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Greeting Tables.

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1. Try to greet your table within 3-5 minutes. Try not to end up taking 8-10 minutes to greet a table, because that’s when customers start to get irritated. If you do take longer than 5 minutes, do apologize.

For our normal readers:

If your table isn’t greeted within the time-frame you have allotted for us, we are so sorry. Truly sorry. That is God’s truth! The thing is, we saw you walk in, ranch dressing packets flowing out of your pockets, and with muttered words, cursed our very existence. “How did she make it here from Louisiana?” we say. “This isn’t Chili’s!” How, with bad drivers and traffic on the road, did she manage to weasel her way into our lives?
It’s the Springs1 curse. If you utter her name, she will appear, much like Bloody Mary. Except she doesn’t like Bloody Marys. Maybe a Margarita, though. With the sweet-and-sour mix only WE have at OUR restaurant.
3.5 minutes later, she is seated and has memorized the menu. Better than us, who have been at our establishment for years. Remember, she can do a better job than any of us, even if she hasn’t worked at our restaurant before. In those 3.5 minutes, she was seated, without water (and without lemons, life has already handed her enough of those).

So what do we do?

Give her a pad of paper. Let her write down her order. Point to the POS and let her ring in her own order. Let her make her drinks, and grab her own food from the kitchen. She won’t have to worry about a tip, unless she wants to tip herself between 20-25%. If her self-service sucks, she has the delightful option of stiffing herself.

Every restaurant should have a “Springs1” employee login, so she can do the above – and you don’t have to pay taxes on the sales she brings in. Problem solved!

For Springs1 ONLY1!:

If ****YOU****** table ISN’T *****GREETED**** within the TIME-FRAME *******YOU******** HAVE allotted for US, we are so sorry.!!!1!!1!1 Truly SORRY.!!1!1 THAT is God’s truth!!!111!1 The thing IS, ******WE***** saw *******YOU**** WALK in, ****RANCH**** dressing PACKETS flowing out *****OF***** *****YOU******** pockets, and WITH MUTTERED WORDS, cursed our *****VERY**** existence.!1!!1!! “How did she make it here from Louisiana?”??!?!!?!? we say.!!!!11! “This isn’t CHILI’S!”!1!111!! HOW, with bad drivers and traffic on the road, did she MANAGE TO WEASEL her way INTO our lives?
It’s??!?!? the SPRINGS1 curse.!11!! If *******YOU****** utter HER name, she WILL appear, ****MUCH***** like Bloody MARY.!!!1!1 Except she *****DOESN’T***** like Bloody Marys.!!!!!11 Maybe a Margarita, though.!11!!1 With the SWEET-AND-SOUR mix only WE have AT ****OUR**** restaurant.
3.5!!!11! ****MINUTES***** later, SHE is seated and has memorized the menu.!1!11!11 BETTER than us, WHO have ******BEEN****** at our establishment for years.!!!!1! ****REMEMBER,**** she can DO A better JOB THAN ANY of us, even IF SHE hasn’t worked AT OUR RESTAURANT BEFORE.!!1!!! In those 3.5!1111! minutes, she was seated, without water *****(AND****** WITHOUT LEMONS, life has already handed her ENOUGH of those).

So!!1!111 what do WE do?

Give?!??!! her a pad of paper.!1!!!! Let her write DOWN HER ORDER.!111!1!! POINT to the POS AND LET her ring IN her own order.!11!!1 LET her make HER drinks, and GRAB her own *****FOOD****** from the KITCHEN.!!!!1! She won’t have to WORRY ABOUT a TIP, unless SHE wants TO TIP herself between 20-25%.!!11!!1 IF her SELF-SERVICE SUCKS, she HAS the DELIGHTFUL option of stiffing ****HERSELF.

EVERY*****!!!!!1!1! RESTAURANT should HAVE A “SPRINGS1” employee login, ******SO****** she can do the ABOVE – AND *****YOU**** don’t have TO PAY TAXES on the sales she BRINGS in.!!1!! Problem SOLVED!!1!!1!1!1

ASS

 

GLORY

GLORY